How to start the conversation

Pick an environment where the person will feel comfortable so you can talk without distractions. Try and find a quiet place with a relaxed atmosphere. Some ideas such as:

• A nice place to go for a walk in a park or along the beach
• Catch up for a coffee
• Go for a drive
• Do an activity together you know they usually enjoy such as kicking a football or going fishing so that you can talk while the focus is not entirely on them.

Start the conversation by telling them that you have noticed that they don’t seem their usual self and describe the changes you’ve noticed in their mood or behaviour.

Tell them you are worried about them and ask about what is bothering them. Some phrases that might help you get started:

• You don’t seem yourself lately, what’s going on?
• Tell me about what is going on?
• What’s happening for you? ­
• I’ve noticed you haven’t been going out lately, is there anything you’d like to talk about?

Listen carefully to what they are saying. Encourage them to talk about what is really going on for them and how they are feeling. Try not to interrupt while they are talking and leave any comments or queries you may have until they have finished.

Some phrases that may be useful in encouraging them to talk about how they are really feeling while showing you care:

• “Take your time, there is no rush. I know it can be difficult to talk about this”.
• “I can hear that you have been going through a really tough time. Please tell me more about it so I can understand”.

Some of the things they tell you may be worrying or overwhelming to hear. Try to stay calm and not over react to what they are saying as this could cause more stress and worry for them. ²

Use positive body language to express that you truly empathise and can understand what they are telling you.  Body language such as:

• Maintain upright posture whether sitting or standing
• Keep comfortable eye contact with them
• Nod your head occasionally to show you have understood what they are saying

Comments such as “what happened next” or simply stating “I understand” can reinforce that you are actively listening and paying attention to what they are saying.

Paraphrasing what they have said back to them can also help to reinforce your interest and understanding.

Let them know you are thankful that they have talked to you about what they are going through. Let them know you understand how hard it is to talk to someone about how they are feeling and reassure them that they have taken a positive step by talking about what they are going through.

The most important thing you can do at this time is to listen and show understanding, rather than give advice. Using phrases like “what can we do to make things better?” and “I’m here for you” lets them know you are supportive of them.

You don’t have to have all the right answers but are there to help if they need it.

It is also important to remember to respect their privacy, and don’t share anything you have spoken about unless you are concerned they may be at risk of hurting themselves. ³

Reassure them they are not alone, and there is hope that things can get better.

Be patient and understanding. It is important to remember that setbacks will occur. Help them overcome any setbacks and ask questions such as “What can I do to support you with this?”

Encourage them to try to maintain regular exercise, eat well and engage in self- care during these difficult times.

Checking in with them frequently to see how they are going. This shows that you care about them and provides an opportunity to talk.

Point out any improvements you notice and encourage them to continue to speak with you about anything that may be worrying them.⁴ Supporting someone else can be draining on your own mental health and wellbeing. It is important to look after yourself by making sure you are get enough sleep and take time out for yourself when you need it.⁵

For other ways to look after yourself while supporting someone else head to:

https://www.thinkmentalhealthwa.com.au/supporting-others-mental-health/support-for-family-friends-and-carers/

Some people are not ready, do not know how or may not want to speak to someone about how they are feeling.

The longer someone delays getting the help they need, the more distressed they are likely to become, making it a much harder place to recover from. ⁶

While this is very worrying for people close to them it doesn’t help to pressure them to talk if they are not ready, it’s up to them whether they want to talk or not.

So what can you do?

• Focus on spending time with them so that they don’t feel alone. It can take time for someone to feel comfortable enough to talk about how they are feeling.
• Let them know that you are concerned about them and are there if they want to talk. Reassure them with phrases such as “call me if you ever want to talk” or “I am here for you if you decide you want to talk”.
• Ask them if there are any specific reasons for why they don’t want to seek help. Once you have an idea on what is worrying them, you may be able to work together to find a solution.
• Suggest, when they are ready, that they can speak to someone else they trust if they want to, a GP or contact a support line if they would feel more comfortable speaking to someone they don’t know.
• Offer to go with them to the GP or support service, if they would like you to.
• Some people may find it hard to see a GP or other support services because they feel anxious, frightened that others are against them or fear they will be criticised. Explain to them how a GP or a professional support service is there to help and will not judge them.
• Some people are reluctant to seek help from a GP or support service because they have difficulty putting their thoughts together to explain what is going on, find it hard to talk about how they feel or don’t realise that they need help. In this instance you can support them by speaking to a GP or a support service beforehand or writing notes about your concerns in advance that you can take to the appointment.⁷

You don’t need have all the answers or to deal with the situation on your own, there are that can provide advice and support ⁸

Remember that is it best for the person involved to voluntarily seek help. However, if you are concerned that they need urgent help (i.e. are at risk to others or themselves call 000 or call the Mental Health Emergency response Line (MHERL) 1300 555 788 (Perth Metro Residents); 1800 676 822 (Peel Residents).